Soul Revealing

Is it abnormal for me to be afraid? The simple things people do all the time; they are able to complete with such obvious ease, yet for me is such a struggle. Am i just weak minded? Naive? Too sheltered from everything? A wuss? I am so utterly dependent on everyone that the thought of adventuring on my own scares the shit out of me. I am about to undertake a journey soon, something similar that a friend recently has. She was excited, thrilled and couldn't wait to do it. Why is it that all i seem to feel is terror, anxiety, uncertainty and down right dread. When i should be over the moon about it. Do i simply have a weaker more pessimistic personality that gets scared so easily? I get frightened by so many day to day things. I'll admit now that i'm scared of being in a car. Can't stand it really. The thought of me driving the car is down right petrifying. I'm constantly having tiny panic attacks whilst in the car just from simple things as another car stopping at a side street. I always feel that the car might not stop and it'll plough into us. A dog might run onto the road, either we hit the dog or going skidding into a tree. Scenarios run through my head constantly. So the thought of this upcoming adventure has had me reeling for days. I closer to the departure date, the more sleepless nights filled with 'what if' questions. I can't help myself. I try to drown it out with superficial things, works to an extent. I'm just so absolutely worried. But i really wanted to do this. It feels like i have to prove something to myself. That i'm not a little girl who would needs her parents protection all the time. But the thought of leaving the cotton wool they've wrapped me in frightens me.
Uh well thats enough of my thoughts revealed. No one needs to hear this at all. I don't really want people to know how wussy and juvenile i am. But it needed to be said. And i'm sure everyone already knows - I'm complain about everything non stop. I'm physically and mentally exhausted at the moment so i think its bed time.

Complaining. All I ever seem to do.

It was worse today. So much worse. The crippling pain that never seems to leave me. What am i suppose to do? I cant eat, I cant lie down, I cant sleep, I cant do anything. So many restrictions. I dont know how long I can take it before I go literally insane.

On the second day of Christmas.

I saw two squashed snails today on my walk home. No orange grasshopper. It made me sad.
And the need for sleep was somewhat overwhelming today. Spares are useful after all.

Excitement Galore.

I saw an orange grass hopper today. And i also read a very good book.
The good parts of my day summed up in two sentences.