What If?

I was in the shower just before, and i noticed that my stomach looked slightly larger than usual. we just had dinner which is why it looked bigger. yes i realise you didnt need to know that (and you're probably going to have nightmares now) but you need to know why im writing this post. i suddenly thought, what if i was pregnant? what would i do? who would i turn to? dont ask me why this suddenly popped into my head. it just did. and now im contemplating it. and i find writing it down is a better way to organise my thoughts.
firstly i'd need buy a pregnancy test, just to confirm. but how would i do this? go get it myself? ask a friend? ask my parents? my brother? i think i'd be way to much of a coward to get it myself and i worry too much about what people think of me. yes im shallow. would i then ask my parents? the short answer: no i probably wouldnt. i'd be way too afraid to tell them, especially if it was a false alarm. what about ashley? i would seriously consider asking ash. or at least discussing the situation with him. but there's no way he'd be able to get it for me because his mode of transport is a bike which he wouldnt ride into town on just for me. like its seriously a long way. so he'd hav to ask mum to drive, which mum would question him why, and quite frankly, ashley is a pathetic liar. so the last option: ask my friends. but which friend? i love them all, but who would i confide in the most. see now im getting concerned that my friends will read this and think i dont trust them. i do. honestly i do. but with such a personal issue i'd be very reluctant. in all honesty, i'd probably ask emma. she looks after me the most and i know that she'd support me in whatever happens. and im not saying this just because emma is the only one who reads my blog! i'd trust emma with my life. and my baby's life if this were the case. because i know em would go and get the pregnancy test for me. she sit with me and wait the agonising 2 minutes that it took to determine my fate. and i know that no matter what she'd make me feel better. she'd probably get a whole packet of condoms for me, laugh and say "lauren, these are interesting contraptions. use these next time". then she'd probably give me a lesson on how to use them! (full of demonstrations of course!) which of course would make such an uncomortable situation so much more relaxed. and when i suddenly break down over the confusing circumstances, i know that she'd hug me and stay with me, and tell me that everything will be ok. even if it wouldnt be. she would patronise me, she would chastise me for making such a dumb mistake, she support me no matter what decision i made, even if it went against all her beliefs. thats what i love about emma. she's such a great person through and through. this has suddenly gone from a statement about me being pregnant to me declaring emma's awesomeness. what a strange post. well i was going to write more about whether i'd have the baby, or an abortion, or go for adoption, but i feel i've gone too far off topic and i cant resurrect my previous thoughts. so im just going to stop now. i've had fun writing this. as completely inplausible it may be. i've never had a boyfriend! as if i'd get any action from anyone. apart from emma that is. *wink*